Black & White

There is a challenge going around on Facebook. Seven Photos for seven days. Each day you post a black and white picture from your daily life, with no explanation. No kids, no pets.

Today I was nominated to participate. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t just do it myself… I wanted to do it, I “liked” every post that I saw (that was participating) in hopes that someone would nominate me. I think it’s kinda funny that it happened today because the writing prompt for today was identity.

I’ve struggled for a long time with the concept of identity and actually, with the concept of black and white thinking (all or nothing- either/or vs both/and) so to get both of those things on the same day… I knew I had to post.

For a few years, “photographer” was a big part of my identity. Not nearly as long as “writer” but I almost took more pride/joy in the role of photographer. As a writer, fear got in my way so much… I was afraid to write. I was afraid to submit anything anywhere. Once I finally did, when I wound up with a rejection, it was paralyzing. The worst time being, I’d quit writing for almost a year. I was miserable. With photography though, it was instant gratification. Pictures were digital, parents were happy, I felt accomplished. Plus, I met some really cool people.

And then it happened. Whatever “it” was or is. The problems with my back. And my legs. The fibromyalgia, the chronic fatigue. I couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t think I could go back to it either. Not as a job, anyway. But it was nice to go out and do something fun, snap a photo and be able to post it.

Thank God I’m back to my writing!

The “feature photograph” is the one I took and posted on Facebook. What do you think?

 

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Daily Quote * Wednesday

“Things don’t happen. Things are made to happen.” -John F Kennedy

I read this quote two days ago when it came in an email along with the lunch menu and after school activities in the Metcalf Jr High newsletter. I’d not heard it before and it’s really got me thinking…

About the ludicrousness of coincidence or accidents- accidents are by far are more like carelessness.

What about circumstances? Have you heard about the egg and the potato? It’s not a joke. You put each one in boiling hot water and what happens? The potato softens and the egg gets hard before it cracks. Same circumstances, different outcomes and reactions.

Life is what you make it, damn it.

It’d be nice to avoid responsibility and blame everyone else for every shitty thing but it won’t make ME any happier. It won’t improve things. If I control it (take responsibility for it) I can change it…

bad-decisions

Ha! I’m not calling anyone stupid… everyone has lapses in judgement from time to time. The most important thing is to learn from it and move on.

What do you think about today’s quote? Let me know in the comments below!

Unstoppable?

I’ve been keeping an eye on the word of the day prompt. The past several days have been as follows:

Sanctuary

Elusive-

Crisis-

and today’s word, Unstoppable. I’d been following right along, keeping up, mentally checking in and wondering “do I have enough to say about this?” Enough to post?

My initial thoughts…

Sanctuary? A holy place. A place of asylum. Where? There is no place left. No place to offer comfort and solace. Not the kind that can penetrate the deep layers of anger and sorrow that have cocooned themselves around me. Unless this IS my sanctuary. A place to run and “hide” from life and responsibilities. A cop out I can use to avoid engaging with other people… Well that’s depressing. I’ll skip todays prompt.

Elusive. Yes, much like my sanctuary. Elusive. Elusive… happiness? Elusive… purpose in life? Elusive… Natalie? Ok, this is going about as well as it did yesterday. NEXT.

Crisis! Yes! I have a lot to say about crisis. Cry-sis? Yep, lots to say… Right after I clean off my desk. And get caught up on the laundry. Finish the thank you cards. Do the dishes… Oh, and it’s Wednesday, so I already have to blog. Hmmm. Maybe tomorrows word will be THE ONE.

Unstoppable. Sounds inspiring, doesn’t it? I am unstoppable. Together, we are unstoppable. Know what? I call bullshit.

Even a train without brakes will eventually run out of steam and come slowly to a stop.

I understand determination. And setting goals for yourself. Pushing yourself through the hard stuff. Believe me, I do.

What I don’t understand, is hyping something so much it becomes unattainable. Speaking for myself, I have to be realistic. Would I like to run a marathon? Yes! Will I? Not a chance in hell. Play all of the Rocky theme songs you want, pump me up and still… I have physical and mental issues that are so great, it is not worth the risk of expending all my energy and ability to get there and then have nothing left over at the end of it.

I worry that if a person sets their mind to do something and then realize at some point before they’re finished that it’s something they can’t do… they will beat themselves up for “failing”.

I’m not one of those people who is overly concerned with other people’s feelings… I don’t think everyone on the team should get a “we tried” trophy or avoid cheering at a match (yes, they really banned cheering!) because some kids might feel bad…

I’m talking about the adults. Actually, I’m talking about me. Huh… Oddly enough, I didn’t see that coming!

I guess I want to tell whomever came up with the prompt of “unstoppable” that it’s ok to stop! Rest. Take a break. Abandon ship, if that ship is sinking. Doesn’t really matter what other people think anyway, does it?

Fuck no. So give them hell! Or … start and then change your mind. I don’t know. I guess what I mean to say is, if it’s important? I don’t need someone to tell me to keep at it or be unstoppable, I can do that on my own!