Breathe

Yes, breathe I tell myself even now as I write this.

There are so many hot button issues right now and one in particular is burning my ass.

Lately I’ve seen a ton of posts about people not wearing masks, their right to do what they want etc.

“My opinion is valid!” They all scream.

Guess what? So is mine.

The curse of DBT, I’m sure I’ve mentioned is that I can see both side of a situation.

I understand that masks are uncomfortable. They make it hard to breathe. We shouldn’t have to wear them. There are valid reasons for not wearing one. Do you know who likes wear a mask? No one.

This is a post that I saw three times on my FB timeline yesterday:

“That woman you shamed in the grocery store, because she wasn’t wearing a mask? She already feels enough shame because she was raped. Having something over her nose & mouth triggers her PTSD, and causes her to relive that trauma.
That man at the Quickee Mart who you called selfish? He’s a volunteer firefighter, and just came from the ER, after being treated for smoke inhalation. He removed his air mask, in order to help a child breathe fresh air, instead of thick smoke.
That elderly lady who you screamed at to put a mask on, or shop when it’s her turn? Her husband of 60 years just passed away. She’s doing her best to learn to live alone. Every breath is physically painful, due to her grief.
That little boy you lectured about removing his mask? He’s autistic. He doesn’t understand. He simply wants it off of his face.
That little girl who screams when somebody tries to mask her? She’s claustrophobic. She came from an abusive home, where she was confined to a closet.
There are all sorts of reasons for not wearing a mask. Not all are lung, or immune system related.
How many of you are among those shaming, name calling, and berating complete strangers, or worse, family members? How many of you are against bullying?
If you are among the first group, and align with the second, you may want to pump the brakes, and check yourself… you have become the bully you claim to be against.
Wearing a mask does not make you a kind person. You are either a kind person, or you aren’t. A piece of cloth does not determine that trait.
On the flipside, not wearing a mask does not make a person selfish, or inconsiderate. It simply means that, there may be an unseen reason why they cannot wear one. You don’t know their story, and, to be quite honest, it’s none of your business.
You have my permission to copy/paste/share.”
If any of these reasons apply to you, I have some good news.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.
No one NEEDS to be milling around at Walmart or Home Depot, feeling victimized because they don’t care to wear a mask.
Groceries can be delivered. Doctor appointments are virtual. There is no need to run around without a mask, if that makes you uncomfortable.
And especially don’t bring your kids, are you nuts?
And another post:
Except, there are so many cases of people accidentally shooting themselves or kids getting a hold of the gun.
You can’t sneeze on someone and expect a bullet to save you.
This argument is stupid. Very judgy of me, I know. Guess what? It’s MY opinion.
Here’s another thing that pisses me off.
When people post political/controversial stuff and then say, “if you disagree, just keep scrolling”. In other words, don’t disagree with me. I’m right.
Ok, cool. I guess this is how shit will get solved.
I am not Jewish, though I attended a Jewish service last Saturday. It was moving, beautiful and enlightening,
The Rabbi told a story he’d heard that highlights the whole mask controversy.
Two men are in a boat. The one man starts to drill a hole in the bottom of the boat.
“What are you doing” asks the first man.
“None of your business. This is my life, it’s my choice if I want to drill a hole here!”
“But if you drill a hole in your side of the boat, we will both still drown.”
Make sense now?

 

Trust

If anyone is wondering why I have trust issues, here’s an example.

My daughter’s second birthday is coming up and she is very into two things: baby dolls and shoes. I’m with her 100% on dolls but shoes, I don’t cate for. I prefer to feet the grass under my feet, thank you.

So, I’m looking at all kinds of baby dolls for her. On one of the websites, there was a pop up ad for BuyMyBestItem. They had beautiful, intricately designed and gorgeously painted dolls. I was in love! Here is a sample of what they offer:

Adorable, right? At 17” and nearly 3 pounds, how could I go wrong?

 

So many choices! They all look amazing.

But, time passes so quickly, I had to make a decision. I bought the baby in the first picture and anxiously awaited her homecoming.

I don’t think the shipping took too long… but I was surprised by what came in the mail.

It was a small, gray envelope. I order a fair amount of stuff these days and I couldn’t tell or possibly remember what I was holding.

Once inside, I opened the package and tears lids down my cheeks as I laughed so hard.

This is what came in the mail:

Not 17”.
Not 2+ pounds.
Not what I ordered!

I immediately (after I stop laughing) email the company to alert them of my problem.

The respond quickly with an apology and offer a 10% refund. I paid almost $40, so no, $4 was not going to cut it when I still had to buy an actual doll.

Four emails later, they tell me the best they can do is 20%, how does that sound?

Like a bunch of BS.

I filed a dispute with my bank and they promptly reimbursed me for the full amount. Alls well that ends well, right?

I wish…

Several weeks later, I’m talking to my mom on the phone about what Olivia might lime for her birthday. She starts to giggle and says I bought her a doll- it’s a really cool Avatar one!

This is what I’m imagining, because I have also seen them:

How fantastic is this

“But I have to show you what it looks like…”

No. Oh no. I think I know it looks like. When she brings the doll up to the camera for FaceTime, it’s a mirror image to the one I’m holding up.

We both laugh and then get incredulous. How can they? What the? Huh?

I told her that my bank fixed it and most likely, the credit card company would as well.

I think back to the teachings of Judge Judy and hear her say “if it looks too good to be true, it is”. $40 really would have been a steal if I actually got what I ordered.

I did have a baby reborn in 2016. He was much more than $40. He was beautiful. I loved him and named him after the late miscarriage I had. He was good and healing. He served his purpose. Then, I knew it was time for him to find another home when I’d look at him and feel sadness for what I thought I’d never have again. He went to a woman who also experienced a loss and less than a year later, I was pregnant with Olivia.

So it almost came full circle.

I guess I just have one more question.

I don’t know what to do with this thing… mom, what are you doing with yours?

I Won, I Think.

In my last blog post, I talked about a Christian whom I didn’t agree with and my childish struggle to unfriend him as opposed to wanting him to unfriend me as he was the one so offended by me and my lifestyle, beliefs, everything. Every time he posted, I seethed, silently. I could feel it coming. This was stupid. I was only upsetting myself. I would unfriend him. Before I did that though, I scrolled through my page feed and saw something that I strongly agreed with and tagged this person, soon to be ex friend, to see. I had no idea he was so sensitive! The response he sent was certainly NOT that of a christian and he promptly unfriended and blocked me. Yay, I won, right? Why don’t I feel better?

Here is the picture I “liked”…

Maybe not inhumane people but people who are more concerned with money and every word in the Bible as it was written so long ago there is no room for interpretation or growth or the fact that it was a starting point that were supposed to grow from as the world and people evolved!

I added the caption and tagged this person. Here was his response:

“Congratulations, you will now be unfriended and blocked. You got your wish. I’m so sorry that you let the world make you as evil as you are and as horrible of a person as you are. You are blind, ignorant, not paying attention to anything important. Stupid, a hater, downplaying and ignorant to your own hate. You hate Donald Trump who is the best president we’ve had in a very long time, and you know nothing about Christianity. You follow Satan rather than you follow God. I don’t want to have anything to do with the likes of you, or anybody like you. It’s people like you who make the world a horrible place to live in Melanie. I’m so sorry that you’re such an idiot so damn stupid and so much of a freaking hater that you’re willing to sacrifice people that actually care about you and people that have put their lives on the line for you. You’re damn right that I follow the Bible and I always will! Good riddance you terribly evil person”

I was astounded. Dumbstruck. Incredulous. When I told my therapist about it, he laughed. He was sure this person was kidding me. I assured him, he was not.

I do not care one bit what this guy thinks of me. I don’t take it in, I’m not taking it personally and yet… I felt a hollowness. An emptiness. What was this all about?

I wasn’t going to miss him. I didn’t care for his holier than thou posts of FB. I hadn’t seen him in years.

Upon further reflection, I think it’s that he attitude is widespread. That a lot of people do not agree with the above post. Since I started DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) 10 years ago, I have always been able to see the other person’s side of the things. Generally, both sides are valid. There can be a kernel of truth in the opposing view point. But this, this isn’t even anything I can wrap my head around.

His view is I’m evil and stupid. I believe he believes that. Trump is a good President. Just trying to think about the position of a supporter makes me twitchy. I blank out.

Black Lives Matter vs nope.

Trump is really getting us through this pandemic vs nope.

I can’t even do it.

I’m just going to leave this here and try to wash off the pathetic attempts to demean me while staying nice and tidy white with his champion, Christ behind him.