The Tale of Two Wolves (and which one is winning)…

All of us have our good qualities and um, qualities we’d rather we didn’t have. I am a very kind, compassionate, loving person. Not just to friends and family, to strangers as well.

There is a person I used to be friends with. He and I are on the complete opposites of the political spectrum. But this isn’t about politics…

Not completely. That’s where the difficulty started but it went far beyond.

I hesitate to even say that I’m a democrat, yet here we are. I am a good person, looking for a good person to represent our Nation. Trump is the LAST person capable of the job.

So this person, is very pro-Trump. Pro voting conspiracy. Pro Corona virus is a hoax.

He has posted many clips, videos and opinions. Many I have reacted to. Usually with an angry emoticon or “are you serious”?

We both stand strong in our convictions. He believes he is kind and loving person who wants nothing more than to more than to bring people to Jesus.

Ok, cool. I do believe that he believes he is this person.

Yet, how can he support a “man” who is so clearly incapable of truth, democracy, and human decency?

I’m not going to get to deep into politics, I promise.

Alright. I was going back through FB posts and it looks like this person has taken down every post I have commented on. I was looking for something to give you context but I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it.

It started out with him telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about because “I’ve ADMITTED I don’t read the bible”. Ok, that’s true AND, I still got the message.

He continued on, telling me I was a disappointment to him and he failed me as a spiritual “mentor” because of the life I’m leading. He said he checked out my page and was disgusted.

In one post, I disagreed with a video he added of doctor who was fired for not believing in the Corona virus and the reasons. I don’t remember what I said, it was probably one of those “are you kidding me” beginnings followed by the fact that ONE doc didn’t believe and was fired was NOT proof of a government conspiracy. I really wish I could remember what he’d replied with because one of his own friends told him to lay off of me. That he wasn’t being very christian in the way he was responding to me! So, I’m sure he paid lip service with his half-assed apology.

In another controversial post, I disagreed with president Trump. He responded with a comment that I didn’t immediately respond to. He assumed I realized I was wrong.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, the two wolves within me fight as I resist the urge to post my very unkind reply.

He followed with the fact he would not unfriend me (Wtf, why not?) I could do that myself and ps. Trump is the best president we’ve had since Reagan. The sooner I see that, the better.

Wait, I just realized something. If he’s trying to “save” as many people as he can, that must be why he’s supporting a president who has encouraged people to DRINK BLEACH. He wants to make sure that go quick, to meet God.

Why don’t I just unfriend him?

The truth? I don’t know. Childishly, I guess if he won’t unfriend me, why should I unfriend him? He’s certainly NOT my friend and the fact that he won’t unfriend me suggests to me, that he wants to stalk my page. What other reason is there? It’s not christian? He’s not been very Christian to me these past couple of months… I know he’d be quick to point out that I’ve left some “nasty” comments on his page. Yes. Because I’m standing up for what I believe in. If you’re putting it out there, I can comment on it. I know the same is true for what I post. There are people who don’t agree with me and fight with me on the page. According to this person, he’s being persecuted, just like JESUS,

He has accused me of being pompous and a hypocrite (because I wouldn’t read a story published by the Republican Party. Why would I? I know what their agenda is. Yet, he has compared his suffering to the suffering of Christ.

I guess I don’t know his pain but…

Ugh. I’m so riled up and the better, kinder part of myself tells me to unfriend him, avoid all of his self serving religious crap and live peacefully. Unfortunately, the angrier, meaner part of me wants to keep on seeing his posts and leave comments that are “against the truth”.

Insert eye roll here.

No, this is not one of my better moments. I don’t know what I am going to do, which wolf will win or if there will be anything left.

Untitled

Untitled because I don’t have the right word. Words have been failing me as of late…

Do you ever get so angry or upset that there are no words? I usually just end up stringing a bunch of four letter expletives and still no one knows what I’m trying to say.

George Floyd. The entire encounter was horrific. The aftermath, the same. The inequality, the injustice, the heartbreak, the destruction of lives and homes and businesses. It is crushing.

Of course he didn’t deserve it. And I cannot even comprehend what justification there was for the aggressiveness. He may have been using a counterfeit bill? He seemed intoxicated? So what? That becomes a death sentence?

I am not black. I cannot understand the fear and hate that too many people have. I wish there was something I could do to help. I want to be a voice… and I feel like a fraud. I don’t know what it’s like to be black and I don’t want to pretend I do.

A couple of days after George Floyd’s death, I went to the gas station. I pulled up to the building, in a parking spot. In the car next to me was a young, black man. He was on the phone and he looked scared. His head bobbed from right to left and left to right. I followed his line of vision and I saw two white police officers. They were just standing outside. They didn’t have anything, they weren’t going inside, they weren’t wearing masks. I immediately felt my chest tighten. I was scared. I went into the store, got what I needed and when I came out, everyone was gone. That one tiny instant in time and I felt so much stress. Fear. And now anger.

There is a burning rage in my belly, a smoldering angst, an overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

I understand why there are riots. There have been many, many times where peaceful protest did nothing. Time to amp it up. The atrocity of it all, I imagine it compounds and years of abuse of power offer fuel for the fire.

I don’t know what the answer is… part of me thinks it has to be love. My sentimental, sappy nature tells me love conquers all. Until.

Until I see the President. Encouraging, inciting violence and not for the first time! We need leadership and the White House goes quiet and dark.

I hear the news reporting telling me their is a vigil being held where “George Loyd lost his life”. Really? He didn’t lose his life. His life was stolen!

He was murdered and the cops responsible? No accountability. Derek Chauvin? He offered no apology. No remorse. The cops had to go to his house and arrest him? I can’t imagine killing someone, there being tons of recordings of it and not turning myself in. He couldn’t even feign surprise? None of the other officers had the inclination to intervene?

Murder at the hands (knee) of police. Riots followed. The Corona Virus is still a thing. And Trump? He’s busy complaining that people on Twitter are being mean to him.

I want to believe love is the answer, yet there is no love for him. There is no place even for basic tolerance for him. He is a disgrace, he is unfit to be president and I cannot believe he hasn’t been removed from office yet.

When I don’t know what I can do to help, at least I can take solace in the fact that at least I care. It’s not enough, I know it’s not enough and I’m willing to listen and that seems to be a big part of what has been going on.