This past Friday, May 19th marked one year since my sister passed away from addiction. I’ve been pretty preoccupied with it, with her… as usual.
I woke up Friday morning about 2:40 am. I cried and went back to sleep. I woke up again when it was time to take Tayla to school. I started to listen to some of the songs she sang and decided “nope, too soon”.
Back home I had to get ready for my writing class, which I didn’t want to go to but Jess texted and told me Nat would want me to go… ironically, it made me want to stay home all the more – (why should she get what she wants after what she did?) I was almost ready to go when I realized I didn’t have my glasses. My brand new pair of glasses. The glasses I’ve had for less than a week.
I tore around the house like a hurricane and enlisted Don to help me. After 30 minutes of searching and coming up empty, I decided I had to go without them.
I went on with my day, every so often reminding myself to breathe, not dry heave. Don made dinner, we watched some tv as a family (once again looking for my glasses, this time getting Tayla to help look too) and I went to bed early.
Saturday morning we had an appointment to look at a townhouse in Burnsville. The search for my glasses continued. I’m not kidding you guys, we turned this place up. side. down. Sweeping under the couch cushions, checking in the freezer, under the towels in the linen closet… places I KNEW they wouldn’t be but I’d already checked everywhere else, we all had.
I went to the open house with a backup pair and lived. Barely.
By the time Don had to leave for work, it was driving me CRAZY. I scoured the bedroom. I was in the corner by the window where I keep pictures of Natalie and in an exasperated tone said to her “I could use a little help, PLEASE!”. The corner was empty, as I expected. I flopped down on the bed, too tired to even cry.
A minute later, Don walked into the bedroom to tell me he was leaving for work.
“Hey, aren’t those your glasses?” he said.
“Right there…” he pointed to the wooden headboard which also serves as a shelf.
“Are you fucking serious?!”
I shot up and sure enough, there were my glasses, in plain sight.
“You have to be kidding me…” I muttered to myself.
“Those weren’t there before” Don told me.
“I know!” I said.
“They weren’t there yesterday, they weren’t there 10 minutes ago.”
“I know” I said.
“Well, I’ve got to go to work” he said before I heard the front door click shut.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
“Thanks, Nat” I whispered.